Its just you and me talkin' here...

Before I launch into my weekly tirade about my kids and my life in general, allow me to touch on the following important issues:

• Britney Spears posing for Vanity Fair (check it out here.. First off, I think she looks like ass, in general. If I were friends with her, I'd be on the phone with her daily, saying, "Girrrll, you GOT to get away from that man!" She's totally busted IMHO. The black hair isn't doing it for me, and she is looking more and more like her mom every day. And in an odd ironic twist, her younger sister looks very much like she did several years ago.

• Star Jones leaving the view. Ho hum. Obviously the days of sisterhood are gone from "The View": Watching Meredith Viera leaving proved that - she all but told those bitches on air to stuff it during her final days. With the advent of Rosie, Star has been invited to hit the bricks. And just when I thought she'd fade into nothingness, no such luck. Now she's on a press tour, doing damaga control. Star - YOU WERE FIRED. ACCEPT IT. Spend lots of time with your sexually ambiguous husband and go back to whoring cheap-ass shoes. Oh, and p.s. - will you PULEEZE admit that you had abdominal surgery? There's no friggen way you dropped all that weight so quickly without being cut...unless you sold your soul to Satan - hmmmm....

• Brad and Angelina looking to adopt again - Double ho hum. Enough of these two already. I'm not a big Aniston fan, but my heart goes out to her. If I were her, I'd have hired a hitman to kill the both of them - painfully. If DH left me for some hot piece of ass, and she galloped all around town essentially rubbing it in my face, I'd be throwing Molotov cocktails through her living room window. Props to her for holding it together.

OK. I feel better. On to more local issues.

First off, Miss Princess S and I had a huge fight this week. She threw the tantrum from hell. It started when she threw a heavy toy across the room, hitting her sister in the head with it. I put the toy in time out, and wouldn't allow her to play with it. She must have cried for twenty minutes (and those of you who are parents know that tantrum cry....like a constant, annoying, whiney-growley thing that penetrates your skull like a hot knife through butter). I had to leave the room. I swear - hand to God - that if my daughter could speak, I would have heard such faves as "I hate you!" "I wish you weren't my mom!" "I'm going to run away!" About ten minutes later, she was on the couch, laughing at "Jack's Big Music Show". I sat down next to her and tried to play with her - she furrowed her brow and pushed me away. Obviously, she wasn't quite over it. Hmph. Luckily, she woke up from her nap and all was forgiven.

An update on my "visitors" - the critters re-surfaced the other night. They were swarming. Literally. I'd kill a bunch, leave the kitchen, and twenty minutes later, there were another thirty on the floor. When I tell you that I must have swept up 100 bodies, I'm not exaggerating. I called in an exterminator who confirmed that they are flying ants - not termites - whew. The colony that had taken up residence under my kitchen has been eliminated. Cross your fingers that this is the end of the battle.

Today I was out food shopping, and saw this woman with a tiny baby. This little baby couldn't have been more than a couple of weeks old. She still had that little "alien" look that all babies have, the little "chicken legs"...the mom still had those single-serving bottles of formula that you get at the hospital - just twist on a nipple and go. First off, I admired this woman for taking her little baby out to the supermarket -- I don't think I left the house with my babies (aside from doctor's appointments) for a couple of months). Then, as I was on line, loading all my goodies onto the conveyor belt, I heard that little baby cry - the cry that only newborns have - that squeaky little "waaa----waaahhhh" sound - and there she was, feeding the baby a bottle while she waited on line. I wanted to walk up to her and give her a high five. And hearing that sound always transports me back to those early weeks when my babies first got home - when they were up every three hours, I was so sleep-deprived, the post-partum depression was kicking in, and I was convinced that I'd never be able to do the "mom thing". My eyes got all teary, because those days seem like only yesterday. As I walked into the house, Miss Princess ran to the door to greet me...and I remembered what lots of people told me when I was pregnant - it doesn't get easier, just different. I do miss the baby smell though. But don't you go gettin' any funny ideas there. We're just talking here. Believe me, the store is CLOSED.

Hope everyone enjoys the long weekend! Here's the Friday Feast:

Appetizer
On average, approximately how many times per day do you yawn? - Only when answering benign meme questions. Aw, that was mean. I've never counted, so let's say 5.

Soup
What was your most memorable school field trip? - Hayden Planetarium. I'd managed to sit myself next to the boy I had a crush on. I kept waiting for him to try and hold my hand. He didn't. Asshole.

Salad
Fill in the blank: I was extremely _stressed out__ this week.

Main Course
Which color do you think of when you hear the word "soothing"? Lavender

Dessert
What is something that, if you had to, you could save up the money to buy within one month? - The big supersize Kit Kat bar? Remember, I don't make any money, so I'd be pulling coins out of the couch cushions.