"Why can't we start out old and get young?"
I don't remember the movie that line came from, but it sums up my feelings this afternoon.
It occured to me at some point today that I will be 36 in less than a month (and Danielle, you still have the "get out of jail free" to forget my b'day this year!). I don't lie about my age - I don't have to. Most folks who meet me say I don't look 35 (maybe they're just bein' nice, who knows?) I know I sure as hell don't feel 35. Most days, I still feel like a geeky, out of place 18 year old. I've met other women my age, and said to myself, "yeah, well she's old for her age -- that ain't me." Am I in denial?? In truth, I'm proud to be 35, and proud of all that I've accomplished.
But one of the great ironies of life is the whole "with age, comes wisdom". I so wish I could go back in time and undo/redo certain things, armed with the knowledge that I have now. I was thinking about this while working on the father's day scrapbook for my dad. He was right about so many things over the course of my life. Of course, I always thought that I knew better. I always thought, "he's wrong. No WAY am I doing that," only to find that he was 100% on the money. And I don't think I've ever given him the satisfaction of saying, "old man, you were right. I was wrong." So many things are so clear now, and the course of my life might have been different if I'd only LISTENED to him, and allowed myself to benefit from his experience. I will no doubt go through the same thing with my own children. As a parent, all you can do is suggest, offer, cajole...but ultimately, you need to give your kids the freedom to make their own mistakes, to find their own way. The difference here is: when the time comes, I'm going to demand that my kids say, "ma, you were right al along." Then I'll gloat.
The whole getting old thing is kicking my ass. It all started with that blood spot behind my eye (going to an opthamologist on 6/22). I remember sitting with the doctor that day and thinking, "here we go. Its the slippery slope downward. My body is starting to betray me. " It drives me insane!
I am so fucking tired today. All I want to do is lie down and take a nap. But I can't. Too much to do. The girls aren't napping as much this week so I have to make up for lost time at night. I'm up till 2am and they're up by 7am. My eyes are closing as I write this. I can hear D. in the living room, waking up from her nap. She's been quite chatty the last few days. She sits there, and chants away - sounds like "tee tee tee dee dee tee ohhhhh boy", and she has the cutest little cartoonish voice. Love it.
My old ass is off to wash some dishes and pay the past due bills before S. wakes up - so have a great week folks!
It occured to me at some point today that I will be 36 in less than a month (and Danielle, you still have the "get out of jail free" to forget my b'day this year!). I don't lie about my age - I don't have to. Most folks who meet me say I don't look 35 (maybe they're just bein' nice, who knows?) I know I sure as hell don't feel 35. Most days, I still feel like a geeky, out of place 18 year old. I've met other women my age, and said to myself, "yeah, well she's old for her age -- that ain't me." Am I in denial?? In truth, I'm proud to be 35, and proud of all that I've accomplished.
But one of the great ironies of life is the whole "with age, comes wisdom". I so wish I could go back in time and undo/redo certain things, armed with the knowledge that I have now. I was thinking about this while working on the father's day scrapbook for my dad. He was right about so many things over the course of my life. Of course, I always thought that I knew better. I always thought, "he's wrong. No WAY am I doing that," only to find that he was 100% on the money. And I don't think I've ever given him the satisfaction of saying, "old man, you were right. I was wrong." So many things are so clear now, and the course of my life might have been different if I'd only LISTENED to him, and allowed myself to benefit from his experience. I will no doubt go through the same thing with my own children. As a parent, all you can do is suggest, offer, cajole...but ultimately, you need to give your kids the freedom to make their own mistakes, to find their own way. The difference here is: when the time comes, I'm going to demand that my kids say, "ma, you were right al along." Then I'll gloat.
The whole getting old thing is kicking my ass. It all started with that blood spot behind my eye (going to an opthamologist on 6/22). I remember sitting with the doctor that day and thinking, "here we go. Its the slippery slope downward. My body is starting to betray me. " It drives me insane!
I am so fucking tired today. All I want to do is lie down and take a nap. But I can't. Too much to do. The girls aren't napping as much this week so I have to make up for lost time at night. I'm up till 2am and they're up by 7am. My eyes are closing as I write this. I can hear D. in the living room, waking up from her nap. She's been quite chatty the last few days. She sits there, and chants away - sounds like "tee tee tee dee dee tee ohhhhh boy", and she has the cutest little cartoonish voice. Love it.
My old ass is off to wash some dishes and pay the past due bills before S. wakes up - so have a great week folks!
posted by scrappintwinmom @ 2:05 PM
2 Comments:
At 7:43 PM,
Susie said…
I feel the same way about aging. And I hear myself say thing my parents said and I'm thinking Holy shit! What happened to me? But like you, I'm pretty happy with where I'm at. Guess the experiences that we might not have had if we followed our parents advice are the same ones that make us realize how smart they actually were about everything. It's funny how you don't really understand your parents until you are one.
At 1:41 PM,
Carrie said…
this aging/knowledge/parenthood is a vicious cycle, huh?
sounds like you have a pretty good wrap on things, or at least enough to fake it in public... CONGRATS.... some people try their whole lives just to get half-way to that point!!!
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